hot single guys - direct from the soulclap to you

On first glance, I'm greatly disappointed with the '08 Cleo Bachelor of the year candidates. I mean, ex-Australian Idol losers (Dean Geyer, trumpet boy Carl)? And "bachelors" that no longer live in the country (Jesse Spencer)?! Not to mention crazy eyes Ky Hurst! Cleo, you blow.

After a further dig, I've found a few crumpets over whom you should drool.

Brad Gaul
He's hot because if he were a food he'd be "Rocky Road, because [he's] nuts, a bit sweet and full of softness." But he loses points because he thinks Kiera "fat lips" Knightly is one of the hottest female celebs right now.

Corey Bohan
I love him because boys with off-centre lip rings drive me crazy. I just want to give him a big hug because the last time he cried was last year when his friend became a quadriplegic. Only minus is that he chose texting over talking.

Josh Graham
I believe the photo says it all. Other than that, you have to love a man that lists Jack Johnson, Ben Harper and Vanilla Ice as his top three albums on rotation. Down side: he's a rugby league boy and not a AFL star - but at least that means he's probably built like a brick. House.

Paul Bedwell
This boy left modelling to become a medical student. Aww. I bet he wants to work for Médecins Sans Frontières too. Doesn't make the cut because he's a Scorpio and two Scorpios would be trouble. He also likes the fauxrock. Fall Out Boy, no thanks.

Kane Draper
Kane is the hottest name EVER (apart from Trent). He's a podiatrist. Since when to podiatrists look like that? I think I need my feet serviced. Do you think he has a foot fetish? Surely not. That would be against the podiatry code, right? I love that he doesn't like women that don't shower but is also infuriated by people abusing water restrictions. Maybe those unshowered, smelly girls are just doing their bit for the drought, Kane!



(Before I announce my winner, is candidate Nick Russian the dude that used to be a model? You know, and appeared in Dolly and Girlfriend and stuff like all the time when we were 14? Did I need to start talking like a 14 year old just then?)



They're all hunks of spunks but my vote goes to two men. Yes, it's a tie. But you can't blame me for being torn between a longtime love and my new flame.

Angus Kennett
He is the longtime love. It's an affair that dates back to the 90s when his father led our state. His father's politics is his (Angus') only flaw but I feel that Jeff's made that all up with beyondblue. Why I really love him is because he probably is "really tall," plus "nervous and awkward" boys are my weakness.

Charlie Goldsmith
I have no idea who he is but it was love at first sight. First sight was all of 35 minutes ago. I spent a good 20 minutes perusing his business' website. Advertising? I took a class or two, do you think he'd give me a job? I'm sad that he's gone travelling to New York and Mexico without me as we are quite the perfect match - I think I could eat six mangoes in a sitting too and consider it my greatest indulgence.


Most notably absent: Wally DeBacker.

And no, none of these men are in the running to become FellatioV's next potential husband. He comes tomorrow.

Creepiness over. Promise.

ps. a winner has been announced. Jason Dundas. he just missed the cut, if you'd have asked me when I wrote this. not even his mtv vj audition from all those years ago had me sold. though, I will admit that I had a secret crush on Dundas all while I agreed with all who spoke of his retardedness.