Festival of Lights Frankston Style

Hello and welcome to me. About me: I am truly gifted and I may reveal it one day in brief spurts. That is all.

I shall start my time on this wonderfully funny blog by describing the fireworks witnessed at Funky Town this evening. Two words sum it up. Full Shit. I could leave it there but I'll add a little detail for you blog junkies back home.

Firstly, they didn't turn out the lights. Yes, it is a festival for the lights but c'mon, every other year it's a big build up where the kids get to "blow" the lights out and Hey Presto the tree lights up and fireworks go nuts. Instead 2008, the councillor election year (none of those chunts are getting my vote), they went full tight-arse on the event and we had about 5 fireworks go off every 5 minutes. Hellooooooooo kids don't have attention spans. Particularly the junkified teens running around these days. More boom-shacka-lacka please.

Secondly, during these 5 minute delays there were mutations taking place in an area seen by a small majority of the crowd. Unbeknownst to the rest of us there were life forms being born in bobbing lantern balls. At least that's what I think they are. Or it was just another species that landed on the planet last night and chose Davey St as the drop site for their offspring to hatch. It's ok they won't take over. Stray embers from the fireworks hit these lantern-like pods and they sure went up in flames. BBQ'd alien anyone? In other news, the goverment is spewing they missed out on a chance to examine the lantern-aliens. Anyway it was a far cry from last years dangling fairy and laser show on trees performance. Heads will roll (we sponsored the event and I am ashamed our money was dirtied this way).

Finally, 2 fireworks locations. The spiders aren't complaining but it doesn't suit us humans who only have two eyes. Think people! Unfortunately we haven't evolved to grow one of them in the back of our head. Anyway pick a site ffs. Then maybe we won't need to be tight-arses and will put on a proper show that makes the folks go, "wow" and "full awesome" (that's what all the crazy kids are saying these days). And where was the full boom? Those big loud ones that you can barely see soaring towards the heavens and then do a big pop and the big Disney style circle of colour. We are in an economy crisis but CMON! LIFT YOUR GAME! WE WANT BIG BOOMS! AND we want them to go for like 10 mins hard-core. None of this 5 min delay with 10 second bursts. Everyones full retard these days, keep us happy in our pants with a 5 minute show and a big climax that will get everyone lighting up a cigarette. I can tell you right now shares in Phillip Morris sure took a dive tonight.

That's it I'm spent. But to finish on a positive note, fairy floss is still as full awesome as always. Thank you for reading.